i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
