upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
