needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
