I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
