I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
