Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm really busy with my period
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