Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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