Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
