found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
