I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
