So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
