how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
