If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
