its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
