just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
