i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
