Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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