Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No subtext here. People are naked.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
