I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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