So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so let's talk penis.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
