yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
