These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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