i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
