Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
