My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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