i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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