I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
