Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
