I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
