So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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