I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
