If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize