my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
