I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
