I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
