Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
