I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
