If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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