So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
