man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize