i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
