does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
