I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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