He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
