Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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