I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
