margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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