remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
