The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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