my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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