i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
