I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
