I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
