When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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