i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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