Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
