Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
