Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
