I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
