so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
