If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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