tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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