he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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