Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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