make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
