this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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